remember

Please remember me, darling...
Remember me and my existence
For I will become extinct very soon
Remember me...

Study Abroad

I know I'm not a kid. And as a kid, I'm pretty sure I didn't ask to buy this and that a lot. Even though I asked, event though it was quite an expensive stuff, I never forced my parents to buy it. Once my parents said no, then I wouldn't ask anymore. When I live by myself now, and finance becomes my own problem, I even pay more attention to what I buy. Although a lot of times I want to buy some stuff, I can help myself to not think about it. I can limit myself to not spend so much. And so you could say I'm living in a low cost rate.

But then this time, it's a strong feeling. I really want it. It doesn't seem important for some people, and I also don't think it's extremely important to me. Maybe I would just waste my time and money, but all I could think of is the experience. I want the experience. I might not be able to adapt to the new environment easily, but I can admit I'm strongly drawn to go and study in other countries. Perhaps you could say right now I'm already studying abroad. Yes, I am, but I want more.

Though financially I might not be able to afford it, but what I regret and can't accept is the way people around me think about it. The way they think it's time and money wasting. The way they want me to graduate as fast as possible and as young as possible.

Maybe I'm just jealous over a friend, who has been studying abroad for more than 3 times in different countries; who has been to Japan, Latin America, North America, and so on and so forth. Maybe it's just a jealousy towards the way her family is rich enough to fund her to go anywhere; the way the people around her think that gaining experience is more important than a success in academic at such a young age; and the way everyone around her doesn't push her that far.

And now I think, what am I pushing myself very hard for? Why do I care to kill myself with 18 credits? And why am I concerned to get as best grades as possible? What for?

Again, maybe it's just a jealousy, or maybe it's how childish I am. But still, I'm disappointed with it.

lessons from a movie

After watching The Break-Ups, I realized how much pride (a.k.a. gengsi) could harm our relationships with people. Hmmmm... Maybe I should learn from this as I could be considered as one who cares about pride so much.

The ending is not relly satisfying, but I recommend this movie to some guys out there! They need to learn that no matter how patient we -girls- are, our patience has its limit. Note that I didn't say all guys, but SOME guys; so if you think you're not included in that 'some' category, no offense alright?

Cheers,
PePei

saat menunggu penerbangan yang tertunda

Kala hati sedang bingung,
Siapa yang mengerti?
Kalau hati sedang galau,
Siapa juga yang akan mengerti?

Kala semua tak pernah merasakannya,
Apa mereka bisa mengerti?
Kalau pun ada yang pernah merasa,
Apa aku mengerti?

Bingung, aku benci!
Mau bertanya pada siapa?
Manusia-manusia terlanjur mengecap jelek
Buruknya saja yang digosipi

Kenyataannya, sisi baiknya apa kelihatan?
Kalau aku berkata begini, mereka bilang begitu
Tak percaya pokoknya!
Kapan dong aku bisa diyakini?

Susah memang kalau punya kepribadian ganda
Satu begini, satunya begitu
Mau begini, maunya begitu
Terus gimana dong?

Ikut setan, atau ikut malaikat?
Ikut kata hati, atau ikut kata pikiran?
Kalau boleh, aku pengen jadi diriku sendiri
Yang bebas lepas, tanpa dibebani omongan-omongan nyasar

Tapi, emangnya bisa???

Di sebuah airport saat menunggu penerbangan yang tertunda, 24 Agustus 2006

Menunggu Bintang Jatuh

Aku berdiri di tengah keramaian
Suara melintas di sana-sini
Namun apa yang kurasa?
Sepi, sepi aku sendiri

Aku berlari mencari langit
Berharap melihat seberkas cahaya
Namun di manakah engkau bintang?
Yang kudapat hanya kelamnya malam

Dunia, mengapa kau permainkan aku?
Di saat kucari, kau pergi
Di saat kudiam, kau tak datang
Apa maumu?

Kau yang begitu mudah mengatakannya
Namun segera hilang terseret angin
Lalu apa itu teman?
Apa itu cinta?

Meteor, melintaslah!
Ku kan selalu menunggu
Jadilah setitik harapan
Berikan aku teman sejati

2004

Du

That afternoon, I caught you on my sight
And there, you were visible on my night

The you, whom I would not be able to have
And yet, why were you there?

I would not dare to appear right in front of you and say "hey, let's go to that country with me"
I would not even have the courage to say a simple hi and introduce myself

Though our paths have crossed once or twice or even more
Perhaps, you won't realize that this creature does exist in the world

Tired, looking at you from afar
Different taste, different story, different level

I would not fit in your story at all
So why? Why were you there?

Birdcage

I am a tamed bird who has been living in a cage for years. Day by day passes by just by looking at this small garden. Small, yet peaceful and beautiful, singing along with the flowers and trees.

I thought I was happy and satisfied. But, was it true...? Yes, it's true that I'm happy. Yet, I can't say that I'm satisfied.

I wanna fly in a clear sky, to taste the freedom and the wilderness. Jealousy of eagles always emerges, but here I am locked in a cage. No matter how hard I scream for freedom, I won't ever get it. Never... ever....

The wind blows and the grass whispers to me, "We will help you run if you're willing to fly." But, I am afraid of escaping this comfortable cage. What if I'm unable to stay alive? What if I'm not able to fly and fall? And now I'm still stuck here in the same place as before, thinking...

I'm still a bird locked in a cage...
I'm just a bird locked in a cage...

05232006 - 07052006
Between Babat and Jakarta