Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Study Abroad

I know I'm not a kid. And as a kid, I'm pretty sure I didn't ask to buy this and that a lot. Even though I asked, event though it was quite an expensive stuff, I never forced my parents to buy it. Once my parents said no, then I wouldn't ask anymore. When I live by myself now, and finance becomes my own problem, I even pay more attention to what I buy. Although a lot of times I want to buy some stuff, I can help myself to not think about it. I can limit myself to not spend so much. And so you could say I'm living in a low cost rate.

But then this time, it's a strong feeling. I really want it. It doesn't seem important for some people, and I also don't think it's extremely important to me. Maybe I would just waste my time and money, but all I could think of is the experience. I want the experience. I might not be able to adapt to the new environment easily, but I can admit I'm strongly drawn to go and study in other countries. Perhaps you could say right now I'm already studying abroad. Yes, I am, but I want more.

Though financially I might not be able to afford it, but what I regret and can't accept is the way people around me think about it. The way they think it's time and money wasting. The way they want me to graduate as fast as possible and as young as possible.

Maybe I'm just jealous over a friend, who has been studying abroad for more than 3 times in different countries; who has been to Japan, Latin America, North America, and so on and so forth. Maybe it's just a jealousy towards the way her family is rich enough to fund her to go anywhere; the way the people around her think that gaining experience is more important than a success in academic at such a young age; and the way everyone around her doesn't push her that far.

And now I think, what am I pushing myself very hard for? Why do I care to kill myself with 18 credits? And why am I concerned to get as best grades as possible? What for?

Again, maybe it's just a jealousy, or maybe it's how childish I am. But still, I'm disappointed with it.


  1. I'm sorry if you think I think that way about you, sis. I totally agree with you, that experience is far more important to miss over having graduation as soon as possible. However like you said, we were raised with the idea that what most people are thinking is better than what we think. Something like quantity wins over quality... I dunno, can't really expressed my thoughts into words.

    Maybe just this. You should be brave to stand by your opinions as long as you're also brave enough to stand by the consequences. But also know this. Your family will always be on your side no matter what happens. Although we will probably be nagging you about it for the rest of your life. But hey, it's family's previlege, right?

  2. hey Feli, somehow I can relate to how you feel. Similar experience? Perhaps.

    But be sure that there's a big difference between cancelling and postponing. So keep praying, have faith and seize the day. Even at times when you do as others wish, you may also gain something. And one day you might be back on your track. Good luck, girl!